Hi, Grandma.
Why are you at Alex's house?
My mom and I are staying here since the divorce.
Valerie got divorced?
(Valerie) Laura and I have to go look at houses later this afternoon.
What's wrong with my house?
You knew we weren't gonna live here forever.
I do now.
You fat-shamed a journalist.
The bartender that wrote a blog post
that got picked up by Jezebel.
(Alex) I've just never slept with someone for their personality.
Thank you. I learned a lot.
We should go shooting sometime.
Yeah, that would be fun.
I've been going through sort of a hard time lately,
and I'm-- I'm gonna try some new things.
(Laura) "Hi, Valerie.
"I'm a 47-year-old DILF looking for my MILF.
Kisses and bites, Marky."
- DILF? - Marky?
Ooh.
Okay, "I regret to report that you are
"above the maximum standard of attraction.
"Please delete your account immediately.
JK, coffee?"
Oof. Next.
[sighs] Okay.
Too sweaty.
Too smiley.
Too goatee-y.
[phone dings] - Whoa! There you go.
Oh, oh, come on!
Don't look at that. Don't look at that.
Please stop pretending that I haven't seen
a dick before.
Okay, fine, but seriously.
Looks pretty serious to me.
You know what, that's harassment.
No, it's the new "hello."
[phone dings]
Oh, Dad's texting you.
He says he wants you to call him.
Ugh.
I mean, your father and I respect each other very much,
and I will call him back later.
Nice.
[phone dings]
Ugh, I mean, it's inappropriate and sleazy.
It can't possibly work.
And yet it somehow does.
Shit.
(Laura) What?
Valerie.
Couldn't just let me have my divorce on my own, huh?
Everyone needs their mother at a time like this.
So you've come for...dinner?
I'm here as long as you need me.
- Hey, Grandma. - Call me Dawn.
Call her Grandma.
It makes me so happy to see you all living together.
Well, we did it for 18 years back at the house,
which you would have noticed if you'd been around.
[laughs] I miss your sense of humor.
So Alex tells me you're dating?
[grunts]
- Hmm? - What are you looking at?
Comments about how I'm unlovable
and my website's a scam.
Unlovable?
- That sounds self-destructive. - It is.
Then maybe you should stop.
It serves a purpose.
It's good to get out there.
The world is calling. You should answer.
Well, it's only been a few months, Mom.
Well, at your age, every month counts.
I smell something like smoke.
I don't smell any-- oh, yeah.
Why aren't you stepping in?
It's kind of fun to watch.
- Do you hear her? - Yeah.
Do you hear how overjoyed about my divorce she is?
Of course she is, Val. She gets to act like an expert.
Oh, my God, I want to murder her.
I do, I want to twist her fucking neck
until her smug face pops off.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Stop.
- You want her gone? - Yes.
Then just let her be right.
Whatever she says, you nod and agree.
- That's idiotic. - It's effective.
You and Grandpa-- I mean Charles--
- You were never married? - Not officially.
We never wanted to contractually
own one another.
So you were, like, sleeping with other people?
Naturally.
Let's practice. Okay?
- Alex-- - So, Valerie...
Global warming is a total hoax, am I right?
- Alex, stop. - Am I right?
- Yeah, that sounds right. - Very good.
Best Clint Eastwood movie,
it's got to be Trouble with the Curve,
don't you think?
Such a good movie.
[sighs] It was a revelation.
See? You got it.
But you were together?
Until we split up, yes.
And how did Mom and Alex feel about that?
I never really asked.
But we needed to. It was time.
It was organic. We never rushed into things.
It was like I always told you.
You were so young when you got married--too young.
This divorce is giving you a tremendous gift.
Thanks, divorce.
[sighs] I need to vent.
- Do you have a sec? - Mm...
- 'Cause I need-- - Um...
What?
Sorry.
Okay, you can't just show up here.
You won't return my texts.
If you want to meet, you have to go
through the lawyers.
Is that really where we are?
What do you need now?
It's time to sell the house.
Not yet.
(Drew) When?
When I'm ready.
You don't get to control everything.
- You left. - [scoffs]
You're the one who said, "I never want to step foot
in that house again," remember?
[cell phone chiming] - Oh, yeah.
I remember. I remember.
Doesn't mean I'm ready to sell it, though.
I can box things up for you.
The leather bar stools,
the doorknobs that you got in Big Sur.
- Ugh. - What?
Nothing.
You know what?
Until we reach an agreement, that house--it's 50% mine,
and you are not to put it on the market.
[sighs]
[poignant music]
♪ ♪
Are you sneaking in?
Are you hiding behind a plant?
Who are those people?
She got us a throuple's massage.
(Valerie) A what?
[cell phone chimes]
Oh, Jesus. That's three.
- Three what? - Penis pictures.
- They're called dick pics. - Whatever.
Same photo?
No--see, first one's an aerial shot,
and the second one's next to a remote.
Uh-huh, for perspective.
Yeah, but every remote is different, so.
Yeah, a soda can would be a better barometer.
Probably.
Hm.
Oh, shit. Uh, here she comes.
- I'm gonna-- - Wait, wait--wait.
Where are you going?
- Um, anywhere but here. - No, no, no.
Wait--hey, what happened to saying yes and, you know,
nodding and agreeing?
Yeah, with words. You don't do stuff with her.
Oh, good, you're here. We can start.
Oh, I just got called into the office.
So it looks like it's just you gals.
I understand.
And don't worry about that blogger.
Just because no one has loved you yet
doesn't mean you're unlovable.
[therapeutic music]
I'm sensing tension in her back.
Work her shoulders.
I think she knows what she's doing.
She doesn't know what you've been through.
- It's a divorce. - Oh, that's right.
That's what it is. It's a divorce.
You can't be so hard on yourself, dear.
We all make mistakes.
Is it better if we just don't talk, maybe?
Have you met Drew's new partner?
[sighs] I have not.
You should, so you can unburden yourself.
Start fresh.
How did he meet her?
[sighs]
Can we just--can we change the music?
- Is that...? - But it's so soothing.
The thing that really gets me down is we had chemistry.
We connected.
I mean, she was a four. Maybe five, tops.
I could throw a shoe down Sunset,
hit 50 better looking girls.
Not that I'm perfect, but I was definitely out of her league.
Is it wrong that I expected gratitude?
Maybe.
Maybe that's too much, but I certainly did not expect
to be treated like a fucking monster.
- Where's Carl? - Who?
Your dog.
Mm.
Carl. You were right.
He deserved better. I had to give him back.
I thought you said this was an emergency.
Huh? It is. My mom's in town.
You know how that goes.
I never met my mother.
- You're adopted? - No.
She just left when I was young.
Lucky you.
You ready?
Let's do it.
[Ne' Richa's Dollar]
♪ A dolla, a dolla money makers and money shakers ♪
♪ I crack my knuckles in anticipation of the hustle ♪
You know what I love about a strip club?
I can't imagine.
The rules are literally written on the wall.
You know exactly what you're getting.
No surprises, no emotions.
Just simple transactional simulated sex.
It's so pure.
[cell phone rings]
Okay, be right back. Hi.
Since I got you here, do you mind
taking care of my buddy?
Thanks.
[cell phone ringing]
♪ ♪
Hi.
Hey, Val, what's up?
Alex? She is system--ow.
She's systematically trying to undo me, okay?
I don't know how much more of this I can take.
- I think you'd be surprised. - Alex!
Listen, it's a marathon, not a sprint.
You got to pace yourself. Breathe.
Oh, it's a marathon?
Well, you abandoned me at the starting line.
Val, you sound emotional.
I am emotional.
I'm gonna toss her off your deck.
No, don't do that.
You know she'll survive
and then you'll have to push her around in a wheelchair.
[cell phone chimes]
Oh, come on.
What now?
It's just another penis pic.
This one's wearing a kerchief.
A kerchief? Like a bib?
No. No, it's like a bandana.
- Points for creativity? - Okay, you know what?
(Valerie) I need you.
I can only give so much.
♪ ♪
Voila.
Wow, you sure know how to charm a girl.
Everyone's so used to being photographed
these days that no one knows
what an honest, unselfconscious
moment looks like.
We're gonna capture one.
At a Chevron?
You got big box stores on every corner.
You got some weird little apartments over there.
People coming and going from all walks of life.
Sad walks of life.
Yeah, maybe. Maybe not.
There's a 40-second window when people pump their gas.
Some people text, some people
listen to the radio.
Some just stare off into space
and take stock of their lives.
40 seconds of something, or nothing.
Watch for it.
Head for those bushes.
And don't let anybody see you.
[poignant string music]
♪ ♪
Mm.
[knock on door]
(Dawn) Valerie?
♪ ♪
It began in September.
(Dawn) He was feeling low after the L.A. Times layoffs.
Started going to that biking group
in Griffith Park on Sundays.
What are you talking about?
She was pre-med and just looking
for some nice people outside of school.
He wasn't even attracted to her at first.
You...talked to Drew?
Her car had trouble starting one afternoon,
and he bought her a coffee and offered to wait with her.
(Dawn) She seemed fascinated by his life.
Oh, my God.
It was the first time in years
that he didn't feel like a total fuck-up.
His words.
(Dawn) You need to know this, dear.
[sighs]
The only way out is through.
[cell phone chimes]
[playful string music]
Ugh!
[scoffs]
I mean...
Valerie?
♪ ♪
[cell phone chimes]
♪ ♪
[sighs]
[poignant string music]
♪ ♪
So this is a thing for you?
Taking pictures of people while they're unaware?
Oh, sometimes.
- Do you ever feel dirty? - Dirty?
Well, it's a fine line, right?
I mean, one day you're taking pictures of people
at a gas station and the next,
you put a video camera in the girls' locker room.
It's all in the name of art.
- You want anything? - No, I'm good.
[stirring string music]
♪ ♪
(Michael) Want to keep going?
♪ ♪
Take me home.
♪ Yeah, uh, uh, yo ♪
(Alex) He's been gone for, like, 30 minutes.
Is that normal?
It's whatever you want it to be.
Don't stripper talk me. I just--
What if she's taking advantage of him?
Relax. He's in good hands.
It's just, he's a very trusting person.
You know--women see that innocent face,
and they just-- they just pounce.
Oh, God.
He's probably in the champagne room
getting doused with a $1,000 bottle of Kenwood.
Oh.
Hello.
Hi.
We'll develop tomorrow. See what we got.
That was my dad.
With his girlfriend.
Okay.
Wow.
I'm Randy.
Come on in.
Do you think sending photos of your penis
is a good way to get a woman's attention,
or is respectful, or even remotely welcome?
- Um... - Does it work for you, Randy?
Do women actually respond?
I mean, you're here.
I am literally on the verge
of getting a restraining order.
- Take it easy. - No, Randy.
I have seen more angles of your penis
than I have of my ex-husband's.
Why didn't you look at your husband's penis more?
Because he's too busy
plunging it into a 22 year-old grad student
who he--apparently is also his cycling buddy.
Oh, how did I know that?
Because my mother called him and asked him.
- Oh, no. - Oh, yeah.
- Mm-hmm. - You didn't want to know.
No, I did not want to know.
No. No, and now I do.
And I guess I just...
I guess I just wanted the marriage to fix itself.
I've never heard of a marriage fixing itself.
Oh, and now he wants to sell the house.
The house that I paid for
and filled with all the pieces of our lives.
And then when it sells, then that's the end, right?
Then...that's it.
The end.
God, we might not have ever been...
right together, but...
I'm just not ready for that.
But, I mean, if you were never right together,
then why are you still, like, holding on?
[poignant string music]
Because then my mother will be right.
She said it would never last.
[sighs] And it didn't.
And if you keep the house, then she'll be what?
Less right?
She could tell me she's sorry.
We spend our whole lives
waiting for our parents to apologize.
They spend theirs waiting for a thank you.
Neither of us ever gets what we want.
Hm.
♪ ♪
You have a nice face, Randy.
You should lead with that.
♪ ♪
[door opens and closes]
And your family?
Do they know?
Uh-huh.
It's not really the easiest thing to hide, you know?
[both chuckle]
There's Mom.
- And that's my dad. - [laughs]
Me and my brother. They're supportive.
Like, actually supportive, or secretly dying on the inside?
[laughs softly]
Both.
Is, uh, is that you?
- My daughter. - She's very cute.
13 months.
Pretty soon, she'll be walking.
And dancing.
What, bringing a kid around here,
that's like playing Russian roulette.
I don't bring her here.
Okay, so you don't see her that much?
I'm with her every minute I'm not working.
I mean, she's got to imprint.
Imprint?
If a mom's not around in the first few months,
her baby won't bond with her.
That's not a real thing.
Actually, there's 50 years of research to support it.
So I've heard.
So, what happens to that kid when they grow up?
If they don't bond?
They have attachment issues, and it's basically impossible
for them to sustain relationships.
(Dana) It's really sad.
Hey, why aren't there any photos
of you and me when I was a baby?
Of course there are.
No, I mean in the first few months.
Like, right when I was born.
Well...
Let's see, 1980. That's right.
Queen went on tour to celebrate
their album release.
I went to a few of their shows.
Yeah. A few?
30.
Oh, they went all over the world.
Oh. How fun for you.
Who took care of me?
Everyone--your father, our friends.
Valerie, she never left your side.
Does that seem normal to you?
I've never believed in normal.
Answer the question!
You know...
I think I'm gonna give you and Valerie some space.
They're kicking you out?
Children always blame their parents
for their problems.
It's the easiest way to avoid responsibility.
I thought you guys were drunks.
Or, like, morbidly obese people
who never got out of bed,
but you're not like that.
You're not like that at all.
Thank you.
Where are you gonna go?
Don't worry about me, dear.
There's a man I know with an open bed.
We'll be talking.
I'd like that.
[Sufjan Stevens's Should Have Known Better]
♪ ♪
♪ I should have known better ♪
♪ To see what I could see ♪
♪ My black shroud holding down my feelings ♪
♪ A pillar for my enemies ♪
♪ ♪
I loved this house.
Me too.
I'll look into appraisers this week.
Find out what it's worth.
♪ ♪
♪ I should have wrote a letter ♪
♪ And grieve what I happen to grieve ♪
♪ My black shroud ♪
♪ I never trust my feelings ♪
♪ I waited for the remedy ♪
♪ ♪
[cell phone chimes]
♪ ♪
♪ I'm light as a feather ♪
♪ Bright as the Oregon breeze ♪
♪ My black shroud ♪
♪ I'm frightened by my feelings ♪
♪ I only want to be a relief ♪
♪ ♪
♪ No, I'm not a go-getter ♪
♪ The demon had a spell on me ♪
♪ My black shroud ♪
♪ Captain of my feelings ♪
♪ The only thing I wanna believe ♪
[beeps]
♪ When I was three, and free to explore ♪
♪ I saw her face on the back of the door ♪
♪ Oh, be my rest, be my fantasy ♪
[sighs]
♪ Oh, be my rest, be my fantasy ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Nothing can be changed ♪
♪ The past is still the past ♪
♪ The bridge to nowhere ♪
♪ I should have wrote a letter ♪
♪ Explaining what I feel ♪
♪ That empty feeling ♪
♪ Don't back down ♪
♪ Nothing can be changed ♪